Garbage

No really - this post is about garbage.  My garbage situation.  My ABUNDANT garbage situation.

Let's set the record straight.  I'm am NOT a dirty person.  Nor is my HOME dirty.  Everything has a place and when things are not in their places it makes me crazy.  See a speck of fluff on the carpet?  The vacuum comes out.  A little flour falls on the floor in the kitchen?  The Swiffer vac (I love that thing) comes out and the whole floor gets done.

Moving on.  I've always heard that two things are certain in life.  Death and taxes.  But I propose that GARBAGE be added to that list.  I don't care WHO YOU ARE, you will in some way create garbage.

I heard about this couple who are completely garbage free.  They compost and recycle and use cloth diapers and all that other junk.  And while I applaud them and completely believe that you can greatly reduce the amount of garbage coming out of your home, I have a seriously hard time believing that you can be COMPLETELY garbage free.

Trust me - I'm the crazy woman who forces you to recycle the cardboard roll at the end of your toilet paper.  Right Dee?

With my schedule, I'm often not home on garbage day.

And you might say "well, Heather, just put your garbage out the night before!  Duh."  But that doesn't work either.  Because if garbage days happen on a day that I'm not home, I'm generally not home the night before.  Therein creating my problem.

Where I live, if you put your garbage out more than 24 hours before pickup, the "ruling factions" of my community get real ornery.  And they have spies everywhere.  Trust me I know.

Also - the varmints (magpies, cats, etc.) get into the bags if they're left out too long.

In the summer it's not much of a problem, because pickup is every week, but once the city switches to their fall program, sometimes I miss two, or three, or FOUR pickups because of the days they fall.  And to be perfectly honest, sometimes I only have one or two small garbage bags and I don't feel that it constitutes putting out a big bag to be picked up.

But then I forget actually how much I have and this happens...

That was at Halloween.

This is what I've resorted to since coming home on the 16th.

Yes - that's garbage on the left, recycling on the right.  My pantry couldn't hold it any more.

Gross - but necessary.  And I've been putting stinky scraps (like garlic) into Ziploc bags.  It totally works.

Last year, I went through drive-throughs just so I could stick garbage in their cans.  I got into crap once or twice because I got caught, but then I learned to be sneaky.

This year - I'm staving off the midnight McDonald's trips.  Also because the only time you should eat McD's at midnight is after you've been having wobbly pops.

I'm also kind of freaked out because the LAST time (this was this past summer) I had an over-abundance of garbage and the day finally came, I pulled out the "kitchen" bags to put in a big black bag and heard a weird squishy noise on the front step outside.  There were MAGGOTS!!!  YES.  MAGGOTS.

Just FYI.  To kill a maggot, pour boiling water on them.  I also proceeded to scour my house for hours and hours for intruders of the maggot variety.  Thankfully, no-one else alive was in the house but me.  I also spent the entire next morning cleaning out the can.  With boiling water.  And bleach.  And then scoured my house for an hour.  (Don't worry, it was maggot-free) 

But to be honest?  I really just wanted to set the can on fire and get a new one.

Why am I telling you this?  Because that's my world.  Welcome to it.

I'm so glad garbage day is tomorrow.

This is the Cane Girl, soon to be garbage free - signing off.