Saturday, 21 May 2011

And The Award For Most Annoying Goes To....

I work with men.  A whole bunch of 'em.  And I've been working with them for so long that I sometimes forget that in a proper workplace, most of these guys wouldn't be able to keep their employment for longer than a day.  Most of the things that happen on a daily basis would be severely frowned upon in the "real world".  But.  We don't work in the "real world".  It's just us 12 or so.  For days.  People in the "real world" forget we're here and don't realize simple things like - it's JUST.  US.  Which ends up being complicated.
Most people finish their day jobs and then all go their separate ways to their homes and spend time with their families.  Not us.  We work together, eat together, live together and, although we are simply co-workers, there is a family dynamic of some sort.

The problem is - when you spend all your time (literally 24 hours a day) with the same people, they can start to annoy you A LOT.

Before I came here I worked with a whole bunch of women.  They annoyed me also.  One woman I worked with whistled.  She whistled all day long, everywhere she went.  Perhaps she assumed she was breaking the silence in her own head, but everyone in the office had to listen to her.  After 8 hours of listening to someone whistle, the next person to come into your general vicinity who is whistling almost gets beaten up.  Really.  It almost happened in a grocery store, and the offender literally ran in the other direction.  Probably because I gave him a look that could have turned him to stone, I've been told I make a pretty nasty face when I want to.

Another woman I worked with complained (I also complain, but I figure I do just the right amount to keep my sanity intact).  She complained about the cold, the heat, children in grocery stores and restaurants, the weatherman's inability to properly predict the weather, if her lettuce went brown 27 hours after she bought it, we heard about it.  And she was loud and her voice was ingratiating.  So really, it was excellent to be sitting within 20 feet of her.  The poor woman who sat directly across from her (they were in the same department and shared a cubicle), was pretty well 100% deaf.  She wore hearing aids.  She turned them off without the knowledge of complaining lady - I only know this because upon approaching poor lady she couldn't hear a single word I was saying to her, gave me the "just one second" finger, and proceeded to turn them on.  Inspired, I took to wearing my iPod all day long.  It irritated my boss, but I was far more productive, because I wasn't running off every 10 minutes to have a break from complaining lady.

And yet ANOTHER woman that I worked with was probably the dumbest person on the planet.  No really.  Some of the things that came out of her mouth were so stupid and ridiculous and naive that I regularly thought "no way, you didn't just say that.  You can NOT be that freakin' stupid."  I assume she thought she was being funny, but she really just sounded stupid.  I was absolutely positive that my brain cells started dying every time she opened her mouth.

Then I started my current job.  And I thought - "yay, a whole bunch of guys!  There's no way they'll have drama and act like idiots all day long".  And boy oh boy was I ever wrong.

They gossip and alter truths and complain about their cross-shifts - and each other - and I'm so close to handing out tampons and midol that it's not even funny.  Basically they're big dumb idiots who treat me like one of the guys, but sometimes I want to be treated like a GIRL.  Sometimes I need them to be nice to me.

The guy that I'm currently trapped with in the office for 10 hours a day (for 8 days straight) is loud and obnoxious.  Where ever he goes, loud invariably follows.  And he forever needs to make noise - LOUD noise.  Clapping his hands as loud as he can.  Singing along (badly) to his (bad) music.  Stomping around.  Acting like the coolest cat on the block (which he is so obviously NOT), who knows everything there is to know about everything.  He's an expert on every subject.  Every one.  If I brought him home to my parent's house, my Dad would look at me and go "who the EFF is this clown?  You really like him????"  This is the guy who thinks that being the schoolyard bully and pushing people around makes him hilarious and super-cool.  And probably the worst part - he chews snuff.  Or whatever.  All I know is that it's loud and disgusting when he spits into a coffee cup.  It's like listening to someone hawk a loogie every two minutes for 10 hours.  It's gotten so bad that I've asked another co-worker who regularly brings spitty guy snuff, to STOP.  And really - if he could just spit into the cup quietly - I wouldn't care, but the sound of the spitting all day long grates on my nerves.  And I only have a few left.

So today, the Most Annoying Award goes to you spitty guy.  Yes you.  May you hold your Award high.  You don't realize it, but I want to walk over and rip the snuff right out of your mouth, set it on fire, and punch you in the face. 

Maybe it's just me?

This is the Cane Girl - signing off.

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